At Acquisio, Chuck Norris stands guard on the door of our main conference room, which explains why it’s so awesome. Out of respect we’re laying down Chuck’s rules of Internet Marketing.
- CTR actually means Chuck Through Rate. So click the hell out of that ad.
- You don’t want to win RTB auctions when Chuck is bidding. Ever heard of the word: Round-house kick?
- You can’t cookie Chuck Norris. Chuck is on a steady diet of cookies and WHOOP-ASS since… well… forever.
- Chuck Norris wrote Google’s algorithm.
- Chuck Norris has 100% of the share of Google, Facebook and MSN.
- The reason why Facebook’s IPO went so badly is because Mark Zuckerberg pissed off Chuck Norris and Chuck thought he’d piss him off too. Just say you’re sorry dude…
- The farm of servers that make Google Instant search through billions of results in 0.00007 seconds is powered by 3 drops of Chuck Norris’ sweat.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t need a marketing agency to send him a report at the end of the month… the Internet reports to him directly.
- You can’t retarget Chuck Norris. He’s already targeting you. All the time.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t believe in bid rules. He makes the only rules that count.
- When Chuck Norris sleeps, Bounce Rates instantly increase to 100%. Fortunately he doesn’t need to sleep
- Chuck Norris doesn’t use Key Performance Indicators (KPIs), his heartbeat is the only indicator of performance.
- Chuck Norris’ conversion rate is close to infinity minus 1, because Chuck believes in a fair market.
- When you click on a sponsored ad, it’s because Chuck Norris willed it.
- Chuck Norris’ CPA is 0. Always. ZERO.
- Chuck Norris believes Call tracking is a great idea. When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had 2 missed calls from Chuck Norris and then he died. True story.
- I dare you to put a Youtube ad on one of Chuck Norris’ videos. I dare you.
- Chuck Norris is the reason Facebook dropped the “The” in front of Facebook. He thought it looked stupid.
- Ever wondered where the Internet is? The entire Internet resides inside one of Chuck Norris’ neurons.
- Chuck Norris’ Quality Score is 12.